To begin with, the title is false and fraudulent.
The title, and the cover too, suggests, vaguely, survival of those that suffered the doings of the regime. But startlingly, as one realises somewhere along the line, one has been very cleverly, deliberately misled. It's not about the Jews or the resistance, only about the average citizens who weren't Nazi, and paid for the doings of those they never agreed with.
One has to agree they did suffer. But it wasn't the country or land or nation that they survived, it was the war they survived, a war which their leaders began, inflicted on the world and on Europe in particular, killing millions of civilians and soldiers; if those inflicted, and otherwise asked to surrender or put up with it, had done so - in short, if U.K., USSR and U.S. had not resisted and fought back - Germans would have gone on celebrating that leadership, as they did when the leaders acquired Rhineland, Austria and Czechoslovakia.
So the survival is about surviving the war, the bombings, the crazy leadership that escalated and asked teen boys to join the war, and deprivation due to their country's industry and produce being geared to war. It's not about surviving the fatherland, it's about surviving the Nazi war and defeat.
And if one has visited Germany, met Germans in Germany, talked with them, one is all too familiar with several aspects of this - the allied bombings, the Czechoslovakia reprisals against Sudeten Germans post war (not surprisingly no nation East of Germany wanted to keep their ethnic Germans, who'd after all not only been the excuse for Nazi invasions but had often been proud of collaboration with the invaders), and more.
Except, they are usually vague, evasive, or worse, when it comes to talking about the holocaust victims. If they think you are of a certainty ignorant, which they assume if you're non'white', they lie blatantly, for example "Jews migrated" or "their confiscated properties were returned", and if they think they can get away with it, they tell you about Jews they meet in Paris who stop speaking with them when they find out you're German.
So one has come to harbour a growing suspicion that books like these are being written and published as a cloudy propaganda that frogs up the horrors of holocaust in pointing fingers at those that were supposed to be not victims of nazis and saying "oh but we too were victims, see, this is how we suffered". Such books are proliferating now that survivors of holocaust and their descendents are finally writing their memoirs, publishing them, and leaving records that are as undeniable as the Nuremburg archives.
One may concede that they, some of them, realised that their leaders were wrong, but then again, their swallowing the convenient propaganda of racist superiority isn't quite rooted out, it's deep on the contrary. One has only to notice how lovingly someone's blue eyes are mentioned, and it isn't accidental.
A significant difference is that the memoirs are far more often just that, memoirs. Books such as these are on the other hand novels set in the era, and sometimes - like this one - based on true stories.
................................................................................................
Here is an example of the blind hatred leading to lack of gratitude, by the author and the sources, and by most Germans:-
"Lilly: May-June 1945
"The ‘morale’ bombing continued until May 3rd, the British Royal Air Force and US Air Force dropping millions of explosives on German cities. Dresden, Hamburg, Berlin, Potsdam, large cities and small towns alike went up in flames. I don’t know if Churchill didn’t understand or didn’t care that neither civilians nor soldiers would sway Hitler’s war machine. If the war couldn’t be won, Hitler was prepared to sacrifice everyone. So he did.
"On April 16, Solingen capitulated to the Americans without a fight. We heard about it from a neighbor who came running up the street and knocked on our door.
"Mutti just sat down and held her head in her hands. “It’s over,” she mumbled.
"I went to her side, joining Burkhart, and she hugged us both. It was one of the few hugs I remember.
"With the war ending, men trickled into town. Wearing assorted clothing to sever any connection to their activities as German soldiers, they stared at the ruins in wonder. Their faces dirty and haggard, they appeared on doorsteps and in living rooms. Some had an arm or a leg missing. Some had all their limbs, but looked sickly and washed out. Some had come and found their houses gone and their families evaporated within.
"Screams of surprise and delight echoed in some homes while others remained quiet as women and children waited and watched their neighbors welcome husbands, fathers and brothers. Some men had walked for hundreds of miles; others had been released from POW camps in neighboring cities. Unable to provide food and healthy living conditions, the British and American military were releasing their prisoners by the thousands."
That last sentence might have been excused from an ignorant older Nazi, but it's not so from the author half a century and more past the era, and nor from the bombed Germans of the day.
After all, even if they were unaware of the atrocities perpetrated by their regime and the holocaust that was to shock all civilised world, they were quite aware that it was war, and their armies had bombed various cities for merely breaking the nations into submission. Thousands of civilians had been massacred by German forces, even apart from the millions massacred in eastern nations and other millions in the various ghettos and concentration camps.
The least every German could and should realise, and acknowledge, is that all those thousands of soldiers could simply have been shot or starved to death by allies, and since this was after having discovered what atrocities Germans had perpetrated, it could have been excusable. That they let those not considered guilty of war crimes go scot-free was an act of civilised conduct, if not of outright magnanimity.
As for inability to provide food, allied forces were caring for those that had survived the concentration camps, apart from civilians in various lands looted by Germany. That caring included food and medical care. A few thousand German civilians or prisoners of war that needed to be kept imprisoned wouldn't have been more than a fraction of the burden, if it were considered needful or worth.
But the hatred by the author comes through with such tiny pricks strewn over in the narrative, generally.
................................................................................................
"You would have thought that a year after the biggest war of all time was over, we’d be better off. The opposite was true."
Why would any German expect things to be not bad, after Germany having wreaked havoc across Europe and massacred millions of civilians, apart from millions of soldiers, and the regime having used every resource of Germany for the purpose, making the nation a humongous war machine that bulldozed Europe? Germany had had nothing but empty, false promises from the regime that had done this, for sake of killing off everyone else so that German population could occupy whole of Europe, reproduce and settle. How would Germany be better off, after losing the war, except on charity that flowed from U.S.?
Before the narratives and after acknowledgments, author quotes on a page:-
" For me the war began, not with Hitler’s invasion of Poland, but with my father’s lie. I was seven at the time, a skinny thing with pigtails and bony knees, dressed in my mother’s lumpy hand-knitted sweaters, a girl who loved her father more than anything."
"Since my brother’s birth, Mutti had been spending every minute with the baby. No matter how well I behaved, how I did what she asked, I rarely succeeded drawing her eyes away from my brother. It annoyed me to no end that I couldn’t stop myself from trying."
"A screeching wail erupted. Sharp and metallic, it cut through doors and walls and echoed through the streets. No matter that the siren blasted every day, it made me shiver.
"I watched my mother freeze, her eyes filled with something I would soon learn to recognize as fear. The siren continued—up, down, up, down. Another wail erupted. This time it sounded like the foghorn of a ship, signaling the end of the alarm."
"I didn’t taste much of the soup. My eyes were drawn to the stony faces on either side as I recalled the events of the afternoon, wondering if I had done something to make them angry. In that stillness of the kitchen, I sensed that my life was about to change. Something dreadful lingered like a wolf lying in wait behind a bush ready to pounce. You didn’t see it or hear it, yet you knew it was there."
Next is about Günter joining the youth wing of nazis, a mere boy expecting campfires and fun, who was thrilled with the uniform because it was all new and not the handed down ones as usual from the elder brother. One part of his story is published separately as 47 Days.
Here is an example of the blind hatred leading to lack of gratitude, by the author and the sources, and by most Germans:-
"Lilly: May-June 1945
"The ‘morale’ bombing continued until May 3rd, the British Royal Air Force and US Air Force dropping millions of explosives on German cities. Dresden, Hamburg, Berlin, Potsdam, large cities and small towns alike went up in flames. I don’t know if Churchill didn’t understand or didn’t care that neither civilians nor soldiers would sway Hitler’s war machine. If the war couldn’t be won, Hitler was prepared to sacrifice everyone. So he did.
"On April 16, Solingen capitulated to the Americans without a fight. We heard about it from a neighbor who came running up the street and knocked on our door.
"Mutti just sat down and held her head in her hands. “It’s over,” she mumbled.
"I went to her side, joining Burkhart, and she hugged us both. It was one of the few hugs I remember.
"With the war ending, men trickled into town. Wearing assorted clothing to sever any connection to their activities as German soldiers, they stared at the ruins in wonder. Their faces dirty and haggard, they appeared on doorsteps and in living rooms. Some had an arm or a leg missing. Some had all their limbs, but looked sickly and washed out. Some had come and found their houses gone and their families evaporated within.
"Screams of surprise and delight echoed in some homes while others remained quiet as women and children waited and watched their neighbors welcome husbands, fathers and brothers. Some men had walked for hundreds of miles; others had been released from POW camps in neighboring cities. Unable to provide food and healthy living conditions, the British and American military were releasing their prisoners by the thousands."
That last sentence might have been excused from an ignorant older Nazi, but it's not so from the author half a century and more past the era, and nor from the bombed Germans of the day.
After all, even if they were unaware of the atrocities perpetrated by their regime and the holocaust that was to shock all civilised world, they were quite aware that it was war, and their armies had bombed various cities for merely breaking the nations into submission. Thousands of civilians had been massacred by German forces, even apart from the millions massacred in eastern nations and other millions in the various ghettos and concentration camps.
The least every German could and should realise, and acknowledge, is that all those thousands of soldiers could simply have been shot or starved to death by allies, and since this was after having discovered what atrocities Germans had perpetrated, it could have been excusable. That they let those not considered guilty of war crimes go scot-free was an act of civilised conduct, if not of outright magnanimity.
As for inability to provide food, allied forces were caring for those that had survived the concentration camps, apart from civilians in various lands looted by Germany. That caring included food and medical care. A few thousand German civilians or prisoners of war that needed to be kept imprisoned wouldn't have been more than a fraction of the burden, if it were considered needful or worth.
But the hatred by the author comes through with such tiny pricks strewn over in the narrative, generally.
................................................................................................
"You would have thought that a year after the biggest war of all time was over, we’d be better off. The opposite was true."
Why would any German expect things to be not bad, after Germany having wreaked havoc across Europe and massacred millions of civilians, apart from millions of soldiers, and the regime having used every resource of Germany for the purpose, making the nation a humongous war machine that bulldozed Europe? Germany had had nothing but empty, false promises from the regime that had done this, for sake of killing off everyone else so that German population could occupy whole of Europe, reproduce and settle. How would Germany be better off, after losing the war, except on charity that flowed from U.S.?
................................................................................................
Before the narratives and after acknowledgments, author quotes on a page:-
"Quotes
"“When these ten-year old boys join our organization, […] then they join the Hitler youth four years later, and there we keep them for another four years, and then […] we immediately take them into the party, into the labor front, in the SA or SS […] Their further treatment will be furnished by the military and they will not be free for the rest of their lives.”
"—Adolf Hitler
"“Woman's world is her husband, her family, her children and her home. We do not find it right when she presses into the world of men.”
"—Adolf Hitler"
"“When these ten-year old boys join our organization, […] then they join the Hitler youth four years later, and there we keep them for another four years, and then […] we immediately take them into the party, into the labor front, in the SA or SS […] Their further treatment will be furnished by the military and they will not be free for the rest of their lives.”
"—Adolf Hitler
"“Woman's world is her husband, her family, her children and her home. We do not find it right when she presses into the world of men.”
"—Adolf Hitler"
................................................................................................
Part of this book is published also separately as 47 Days.
Before the story begins, there are declarations, avowals, reminders of history to the readers, and more.
"Lilly: May 1940Part of this book is published also separately as 47 Days.
Before the story begins, there are declarations, avowals, reminders of history to the readers, and more.
"Based on a True Story"
"I don’t want an intellectual education. Knowledge ruins our youth.” –Adolf Hitler"
"Until that fateful spring in 1945, I never realized what ‘home’ meant and what I’d do to keep it in my heart. How deep Hitler’s evil reached. How it changed the way I looked at the world and forced me to make an impossible choice.
"Anymore, my memory plays tricks. But though I struggle to keep my day-to-day life straight, I clearly remember the day everything started.
"I remember when we were ordered to die for the Fatherland."
................................................................................................
At the end, another declaration:-
"47 DAYS is an excerpt from the novel, SURVING THE FATHERLAND"
If it were part of information about this book on Amazon, one need not have bought this after the novel.
"I don’t want an intellectual education. Knowledge ruins our youth.” –Adolf Hitler"
"Until that fateful spring in 1945, I never realized what ‘home’ meant and what I’d do to keep it in my heart. How deep Hitler’s evil reached. How it changed the way I looked at the world and forced me to make an impossible choice.
"Anymore, my memory plays tricks. But though I struggle to keep my day-to-day life straight, I clearly remember the day everything started.
"I remember when we were ordered to die for the Fatherland."
................................................................................................
At the end, another declaration:-
"47 DAYS is an excerpt from the novel, SURVING THE FATHERLAND"
If it were part of information about this book on Amazon, one need not have bought this after the novel.
................................................................................................
................................................................................................
"Author Note:-
"The Volkssturm or people’s storm was Hitler’s last propaganda command, not organized by the German military but the NSDAP, the Nazi party. All able-bodied men between 16 and 60 were classified into four groups from most usable to least usable. My father, Günter, born in December 1928, had just turned 16 and was in classification III. Military training was supposed to take place within the Hitler Youth (HJ) by the end of March 1945. At this point in the war, allied troops had been on German ground for months, German soldiers on the retreat. Weapons and equipment were almost impossible to find. It is reported that more than 1.3 million guns were needed, but only 18,000 available. Machine guns were even more rare: 75,000 were needed and 180 available. Originally, the Volkssturm was supposed to defend the home front. In the case of my father, the boys were ordered to find their way about 200 km south to Marburg. I assume this was done in an attempt to stop the advancing U.S. Armies who were already in Siegen, less than sixty miles from Marburg. One can only imagine what happened when these youngsters were confronted with fully equipped and trained U.S. troops. Did they even have guns or did they attempt to stop tanks with their bare hands?
"70% of these boys who’d grown up during the Nazi reign, volunteered. How many boys and men served during the Volkssturm is unknown. Their effect was negligible. They could not even protect single homes, not to mention a professional army.
"To some readers it may appear that this act of defiance, of not answering conscription is nothing special. My father didn’t shoot SS-men nor did he plan an assassination on Hitler. He was neither a killer nor was he in the resistance. But he did one important thing many much older and mature people neglect to do. He thought for himself. Then he took a gamble and followed through on his conviction. The way I see it, this was extremely difficult, considering how much pressure was put on the people to follow orders. In a dictatorship refusing to follow orders means certain punishment. In my father’s case, it would’ve meant certain death because even in the spring of 1945, cells of fanatical SS-men remained and many innocent people were shot.
"None of Günter’s classmates were ever heard of or seen again."
................................................................................................................................................................................................
"Author Note:-
"The Volkssturm or people’s storm was Hitler’s last propaganda command, not organized by the German military but the NSDAP, the Nazi party. All able-bodied men between 16 and 60 were classified into four groups from most usable to least usable. My father, Günter, born in December 1928, had just turned 16 and was in classification III. Military training was supposed to take place within the Hitler Youth (HJ) by the end of March 1945. At this point in the war, allied troops had been on German ground for months, German soldiers on the retreat. Weapons and equipment were almost impossible to find. It is reported that more than 1.3 million guns were needed, but only 18,000 available. Machine guns were even more rare: 75,000 were needed and 180 available. Originally, the Volkssturm was supposed to defend the home front. In the case of my father, the boys were ordered to find their way about 200 km south to Marburg. I assume this was done in an attempt to stop the advancing U.S. Armies who were already in Siegen, less than sixty miles from Marburg. One can only imagine what happened when these youngsters were confronted with fully equipped and trained U.S. troops. Did they even have guns or did they attempt to stop tanks with their bare hands?
"70% of these boys who’d grown up during the Nazi reign, volunteered. How many boys and men served during the Volkssturm is unknown. Their effect was negligible. They could not even protect single homes, not to mention a professional army.
"To some readers it may appear that this act of defiance, of not answering conscription is nothing special. My father didn’t shoot SS-men nor did he plan an assassination on Hitler. He was neither a killer nor was he in the resistance. But he did one important thing many much older and mature people neglect to do. He thought for himself. Then he took a gamble and followed through on his conviction. The way I see it, this was extremely difficult, considering how much pressure was put on the people to follow orders. In a dictatorship refusing to follow orders means certain punishment. In my father’s case, it would’ve meant certain death because even in the spring of 1945, cells of fanatical SS-men remained and many innocent people were shot.
"None of Günter’s classmates were ever heard of or seen again."
................................................................................................
" For me the war began, not with Hitler’s invasion of Poland, but with my father’s lie. I was seven at the time, a skinny thing with pigtails and bony knees, dressed in my mother’s lumpy hand-knitted sweaters, a girl who loved her father more than anything."
"Since my brother’s birth, Mutti had been spending every minute with the baby. No matter how well I behaved, how I did what she asked, I rarely succeeded drawing her eyes away from my brother. It annoyed me to no end that I couldn’t stop myself from trying."
"A screeching wail erupted. Sharp and metallic, it cut through doors and walls and echoed through the streets. No matter that the siren blasted every day, it made me shiver.
"I watched my mother freeze, her eyes filled with something I would soon learn to recognize as fear. The siren continued—up, down, up, down. Another wail erupted. This time it sounded like the foghorn of a ship, signaling the end of the alarm."
"I didn’t taste much of the soup. My eyes were drawn to the stony faces on either side as I recalled the events of the afternoon, wondering if I had done something to make them angry. In that stillness of the kitchen, I sensed that my life was about to change. Something dreadful lingered like a wolf lying in wait behind a bush ready to pounce. You didn’t see it or hear it, yet you knew it was there."
................................................................................................
Next is about Günter joining the youth wing of nazis, a mere boy expecting campfires and fun, who was thrilled with the uniform because it was all new and not the handed down ones as usual from the elder brother. One part of his story is published separately as 47 Days.
................................................................................................
The stories alternate.
"Lilly: July 1941
"Vati had been gone for over a year, and my life had worsened a little more each day. Sirens blared day and night as the lines at stores grew longer. Our bakery closed, followed by our favorite butcher. From one day to the next, signs appeared in their windows, their doors padlocked.
"Over the course of the war, Hitler would close hundreds of thousands of stores and service businesses, forcing their owners to enlist or join the production of war-related materials."
"Fear moved into my life. Before Vati left, I hadn’t experienced dread other than a bit of uneasiness when going to the dark basement.
"Now I had this shakiness in my legs that wouldn’t go away. In school we practiced climbing under the desk and lining up against inside walls or marching to the basement, teachers producing enthusiastic smiles as if we were playing a game. It was a vague feeling, a discomfort I couldn’t define except that it made my sleep restless and my daily routine tense."
There was a new neighbour, single, and Lilly was afraid of him.
"The air raid siren began to wail. For a second I stood frozen, watching Mutti leap from the window into the bedroom and return with Burkhart on her arm. Nearly four, he was old enough to walk, but Mutti carried him everywhere.
"Air raid warnings were no longer an empty threat. German cities were bombarded on a large scale, what was later confirmed by the Royal Air Force as morale bombing, the widespread bombing of inner cities intended to ‘break’ the morale of the German people. As if people like Mutti and I would’ve been able to stop Hitler’s madness."
Lilly was hurt in a fall. Next day she heard her father, who was back, and had arranged to send her East to safety from air raids.
"“They’ve organized camps and host families so our children can live without bombs, study better and eat well.” Vati straightened, distractedly petting my head like you’d pet a stranger’s dog. “I found a family for Lilly. Since she’s only nine, she can live with them. It’s just for a few months until we’ve sorted out this war. It’ll free you up, Luise.”
"I slid off his knee. What was Vati talking about?
"“Where do they live?” Mutti said.
"“Thüringen in the east. It’s all arranged. Lilly will leave this weekend.”"
Lilly was sent to a small town where an older couple took her in, but she was desperate to go back to her parents and rejected the love of her sincere foster mother; she managed to get sent back in disgrace by deliberately stealing a wallet and hiding it under her pillow. She returned to find Solingen expecting air raids and her father being sent to Russian front.
"May 1943"
"The supply situation had indeed gone from bad to worse. We had ration cards that bought nothing, entire sheets of coupons for potatoes, sugar and flour, but the stores were depleted, shelves empty. More shops closed, their workers needed at the front and for the production of arms.
"Waiting in line at the bakery, I’d heard people whisper that the war was lost after the winter in Stalingrad. They muttered to each other, figuring I didn’t hear. I also knew people caught listening to enemy radio transmissions were shot, and that Sophie and Hans Scholl, the leaders of the student resistance group White Rose, had been executed.
"Of course, the propaganda continued. Cheered on by fanatical followers, Goebbels had announced total war, meaning that the Reich was ready to engage with more enemies more forcefully while the home front—us—was supposed to provide every resource still available. That meant women entered the production of arms, while all remaining resources went into the support of the army. The bleeding out of the country had reached a new level.
"“Surely things aren’t that bad,” Huss said with a tight smile. As if by chance, he patted the red armband with the swastika. He was all decked out this morning in a brown suit and long black boots. “You should watch the new movie Baron Münchhausen. It’ll take your mind off things.”
"Waving a dismissive hand, Herr Baum turned away, mumbling, “What nonsense. Not enough to live, too much to die. We starved two terrible long winters during World War One. It’ll come to that. You’ll see.” He abruptly turned to me, his voice softening. “You ready, Lilly?”"
"Behind me Huss mumbled to Mutti, “He is lucky I don’t turn him in. If he weren’t so old and decrepit, he’d be arrested.”
"I don’t think Herr Baum heard him. At the time I didn’t realize how brave the old man was in the face of the obvious mole burrowed in our home."
Günter and Helmut hiked in the region, sometimes able to steal potatoes or fruit, to help food at home. Once they brought home large sacks of potatoes and large blocks of cheese in exchange for work at a restaurant in the next valley, chopping wood for a soldier who had worked there and was now back from war without one arm.
In June 1944, Hans, the elder brother of Günter, was drafted.
"Entering my room, I stared at the vacant bed, shadows filling its emptiness.
"At that moment, I decided to stop reading the paper and listening to the radio. It was maddening to hear nothing but propaganda and listen to speeches about how we were supposed to fight for honor until the end. What did that mean anyway? All I cared about was getting Father and Hans home and food into my stomach. The only good thing was that I’d escaped the drills of the Hitler youth because I played accordion. Helmut hated every minute of it. As part of the youth band we visited hospitals and nursing homes, appeared at dances and festivals. The music allowed me to escape, if only for the time I played."
Günter was called for muster, and the SS officer spoke of Waffen-SS.
"Three years and two months ago, four SS-men had shown up next door and dragged my neighbor, Herr Baumann, into a waiting car. The man had been a communist, some had whispered. Since then more and more people had disappeared, like the man with the crooked spine who’d worked at the kiosk, and the family of Jews who’d owned the department store downtown. Nobody had seen any of them since."
Lilly got caught in a horrific bombing raid, and grew up fast.
"I saw nothing, unable to move. Only my chest heaved. Mutti had gathered a crying Burkhart on her lap. I wanted to crawl in to join him. I wanted to let go of my tears. I didn’t, though."
"Cold crept through my coat. I shivered despite the heat around me. It was not the nice warmth of a fire or lying underneath a comforter. It was a stinky heat, full of sweat, hot breath and too many bodies shoved together. I closed my eyes and covered my ears. The ground moved, became liquid, as if skating on tiny wheels."
"I wondered where Vati was and if he was being bombed, too. And for the first time I asked myself what he did and if he was doing the bombing of some far away place."
They returned to find their windows had neither glass nor frames.
"“Why can’t Burkhart help?” I looked at my brother who was brushing glass shards off his wooden toy truck. It was in moments like these I felt the inferiority my mother had been nurturing in me. Even though my brother was five years younger he was always better, an exceptional human being compared to his ordinary older sister. The injustice of it rose in my throat like bile, but I swallowed it down.
"“Careful, dear,” Mutti said, inspecting Burkhart’s palms. And to me, “He’s too small. Let’s go.”"
"Schools had closed months ago and the local elementary school had been reassigned as a rations and communications office. Shreds of paper with missing person photos and wanted ads, trades, lost and found and classified ads plastered the walls."
"As I walked back to Mutti, somebody screamed and the hum of voices stopped abruptly. Everybody looked around—out the glassless windows and up—unsure whether to leave the precious spot in the waiting line. Like fly poop, dots of gray speckled the horizon, growing quickly larger.
"In the darkening sky, the drone of hundreds of engines mixed with the cries of the crowd. Then followed the sound that froze my blood, the high-pitched whine of thousands of bombs dropping to earth.
"The ground began to shake beneath my feet. Explosions found their targets, fell with ease through roofs and walls, and dug themselves deep into the earth, pulverizing everything in their wake."
"The blasts drew closer until they turned into unending roar. The stone floor beneath me vibrated and skipped. My stomach lurched as I imagined being buried down here. It was as if the earth had opened up to swallow us, punishing us for the years of terror Hitler had inflicted on neighboring countries."
"I scanned the darkening sky. Until that moment I’d somehow thought my parents would protect me from evil. That they provided a shield I could hide behind. But I’d lost Vati to the war and Mutti had no power to protect me. Bombs did not care about me or my family. Like their makers they had no soul. They had only one task: to destroy.
"I was on my own."
The stories alternate.
"Lilly: July 1941
"Vati had been gone for over a year, and my life had worsened a little more each day. Sirens blared day and night as the lines at stores grew longer. Our bakery closed, followed by our favorite butcher. From one day to the next, signs appeared in their windows, their doors padlocked.
"Over the course of the war, Hitler would close hundreds of thousands of stores and service businesses, forcing their owners to enlist or join the production of war-related materials."
"Fear moved into my life. Before Vati left, I hadn’t experienced dread other than a bit of uneasiness when going to the dark basement.
"Now I had this shakiness in my legs that wouldn’t go away. In school we practiced climbing under the desk and lining up against inside walls or marching to the basement, teachers producing enthusiastic smiles as if we were playing a game. It was a vague feeling, a discomfort I couldn’t define except that it made my sleep restless and my daily routine tense."
There was a new neighbour, single, and Lilly was afraid of him.
"The air raid siren began to wail. For a second I stood frozen, watching Mutti leap from the window into the bedroom and return with Burkhart on her arm. Nearly four, he was old enough to walk, but Mutti carried him everywhere.
"Air raid warnings were no longer an empty threat. German cities were bombarded on a large scale, what was later confirmed by the Royal Air Force as morale bombing, the widespread bombing of inner cities intended to ‘break’ the morale of the German people. As if people like Mutti and I would’ve been able to stop Hitler’s madness."
Lilly was hurt in a fall. Next day she heard her father, who was back, and had arranged to send her East to safety from air raids.
"“They’ve organized camps and host families so our children can live without bombs, study better and eat well.” Vati straightened, distractedly petting my head like you’d pet a stranger’s dog. “I found a family for Lilly. Since she’s only nine, she can live with them. It’s just for a few months until we’ve sorted out this war. It’ll free you up, Luise.”
"I slid off his knee. What was Vati talking about?
"“Where do they live?” Mutti said.
"“Thüringen in the east. It’s all arranged. Lilly will leave this weekend.”"
Lilly was sent to a small town where an older couple took her in, but she was desperate to go back to her parents and rejected the love of her sincere foster mother; she managed to get sent back in disgrace by deliberately stealing a wallet and hiding it under her pillow. She returned to find Solingen expecting air raids and her father being sent to Russian front.
"May 1943"
"The supply situation had indeed gone from bad to worse. We had ration cards that bought nothing, entire sheets of coupons for potatoes, sugar and flour, but the stores were depleted, shelves empty. More shops closed, their workers needed at the front and for the production of arms.
"Waiting in line at the bakery, I’d heard people whisper that the war was lost after the winter in Stalingrad. They muttered to each other, figuring I didn’t hear. I also knew people caught listening to enemy radio transmissions were shot, and that Sophie and Hans Scholl, the leaders of the student resistance group White Rose, had been executed.
"Of course, the propaganda continued. Cheered on by fanatical followers, Goebbels had announced total war, meaning that the Reich was ready to engage with more enemies more forcefully while the home front—us—was supposed to provide every resource still available. That meant women entered the production of arms, while all remaining resources went into the support of the army. The bleeding out of the country had reached a new level.
"“Surely things aren’t that bad,” Huss said with a tight smile. As if by chance, he patted the red armband with the swastika. He was all decked out this morning in a brown suit and long black boots. “You should watch the new movie Baron Münchhausen. It’ll take your mind off things.”
"Waving a dismissive hand, Herr Baum turned away, mumbling, “What nonsense. Not enough to live, too much to die. We starved two terrible long winters during World War One. It’ll come to that. You’ll see.” He abruptly turned to me, his voice softening. “You ready, Lilly?”"
"Behind me Huss mumbled to Mutti, “He is lucky I don’t turn him in. If he weren’t so old and decrepit, he’d be arrested.”
"I don’t think Herr Baum heard him. At the time I didn’t realize how brave the old man was in the face of the obvious mole burrowed in our home."
................................................................................................
Günter and Helmut hiked in the region, sometimes able to steal potatoes or fruit, to help food at home. Once they brought home large sacks of potatoes and large blocks of cheese in exchange for work at a restaurant in the next valley, chopping wood for a soldier who had worked there and was now back from war without one arm.
In June 1944, Hans, the elder brother of Günter, was drafted.
"Entering my room, I stared at the vacant bed, shadows filling its emptiness.
"At that moment, I decided to stop reading the paper and listening to the radio. It was maddening to hear nothing but propaganda and listen to speeches about how we were supposed to fight for honor until the end. What did that mean anyway? All I cared about was getting Father and Hans home and food into my stomach. The only good thing was that I’d escaped the drills of the Hitler youth because I played accordion. Helmut hated every minute of it. As part of the youth band we visited hospitals and nursing homes, appeared at dances and festivals. The music allowed me to escape, if only for the time I played."
Günter was called for muster, and the SS officer spoke of Waffen-SS.
"Three years and two months ago, four SS-men had shown up next door and dragged my neighbor, Herr Baumann, into a waiting car. The man had been a communist, some had whispered. Since then more and more people had disappeared, like the man with the crooked spine who’d worked at the kiosk, and the family of Jews who’d owned the department store downtown. Nobody had seen any of them since."
................................................................................................
Lilly got caught in a horrific bombing raid, and grew up fast.
"I saw nothing, unable to move. Only my chest heaved. Mutti had gathered a crying Burkhart on her lap. I wanted to crawl in to join him. I wanted to let go of my tears. I didn’t, though."
"Cold crept through my coat. I shivered despite the heat around me. It was not the nice warmth of a fire or lying underneath a comforter. It was a stinky heat, full of sweat, hot breath and too many bodies shoved together. I closed my eyes and covered my ears. The ground moved, became liquid, as if skating on tiny wheels."
"I wondered where Vati was and if he was being bombed, too. And for the first time I asked myself what he did and if he was doing the bombing of some far away place."
They returned to find their windows had neither glass nor frames.
"“Why can’t Burkhart help?” I looked at my brother who was brushing glass shards off his wooden toy truck. It was in moments like these I felt the inferiority my mother had been nurturing in me. Even though my brother was five years younger he was always better, an exceptional human being compared to his ordinary older sister. The injustice of it rose in my throat like bile, but I swallowed it down.
"“Careful, dear,” Mutti said, inspecting Burkhart’s palms. And to me, “He’s too small. Let’s go.”"
"Schools had closed months ago and the local elementary school had been reassigned as a rations and communications office. Shreds of paper with missing person photos and wanted ads, trades, lost and found and classified ads plastered the walls."
"As I walked back to Mutti, somebody screamed and the hum of voices stopped abruptly. Everybody looked around—out the glassless windows and up—unsure whether to leave the precious spot in the waiting line. Like fly poop, dots of gray speckled the horizon, growing quickly larger.
"In the darkening sky, the drone of hundreds of engines mixed with the cries of the crowd. Then followed the sound that froze my blood, the high-pitched whine of thousands of bombs dropping to earth.
"The ground began to shake beneath my feet. Explosions found their targets, fell with ease through roofs and walls, and dug themselves deep into the earth, pulverizing everything in their wake."
"The blasts drew closer until they turned into unending roar. The stone floor beneath me vibrated and skipped. My stomach lurched as I imagined being buried down here. It was as if the earth had opened up to swallow us, punishing us for the years of terror Hitler had inflicted on neighboring countries."
"I scanned the darkening sky. Until that moment I’d somehow thought my parents would protect me from evil. That they provided a shield I could hide behind. But I’d lost Vati to the war and Mutti had no power to protect me. Bombs did not care about me or my family. Like their makers they had no soul. They had only one task: to destroy.
"I was on my own."
................................................................................................
Günter and his family too were caught in a raid, destroying windowless and frames, severing front doors that were heavy oak and destroying much of the kitchen. Günter fixed the windows, covering them with pieces of this and that, while wondering if his father and brother were alive.
He went with Helmut for a walk to the Solingen downtown to see if shops were open yet, and saw the devastation of the old city, of humans and homes.
Huss, the Nazi new neighbour who was befriending Lilly's mother, tried to seduce Lilly, and she told her mother.
Later at night she heard them together in his apartment.
Günter and his family too were caught in a raid, destroying windowless and frames, severing front doors that were heavy oak and destroying much of the kitchen. Günter fixed the windows, covering them with pieces of this and that, while wondering if his father and brother were alive.
He went with Helmut for a walk to the Solingen downtown to see if shops were open yet, and saw the devastation of the old city, of humans and homes.
................................................................................................
Huss, the Nazi new neighbour who was befriending Lilly's mother, tried to seduce Lilly, and she told her mother.
Later at night she heard them together in his apartment.
................................................................................................
Günter and Helmut saw a military convoy of tired soldiers retreating, walking uphill from the river. One on horseback asked if they had civilian clothes. Günter traded his father's clothes for the horse, the whole process risky if they were caught, but they were too hungry. Hides mother was happy to have meat.
"The war was turning us all into animals—Hitler, the SS and Gestapo, the men at the front, the bombers, spying neighbors and now me…a murderer of horses. I turned on my side, bitter tears in my throat.
"The last thing I saw were a pair of brown eyes with long lashes."
On Xmas when they checked on the old neighbour, they discovered her sitting in the kitchen, frozen, perhaps starved, to death.
................................................................................................
Between chopping wood in a forest and other chores she was forced by her mother to do, Lilly saved the life of a soldier on his way home, by helping him to home of her good neighbour Baum who fed him, and giving him a suit of clothes of her father's so he could go home to Mannheim.
................................................................................................
This point is where the story of Günter and Helmut wandering in forests for 47 days, published under the title 47 Days, is recounted, the time period being March to May 1945. The boys were told to go join the war even as everybody at top knew, all soldiers knew, that not only Germany had lost but it was a matter of days before Berlin fell. But their leader had ordered scorched earth policy, ordering all industry and mines and everything else destroyed, and all men over 14 (and presumably all those under 100) fight without surrender to the end. It was only others who managed to countermand these orders and save Germany as much as possible, but nobody had power to oppose S.S. and counter and the orders to send the teens to fight. As the author says, those that went never came back.
Here is an example of the blind hatred leading to lack of gratitude, by the author and the sources, and by most Germans:
"Lilly: May-June 1945
"The ‘morale’ bombing continued until May 3rd, the British Royal Air Force and US Air Force dropping millions of explosives on German cities. Dresden, Hamburg, Berlin, Potsdam, large cities and small towns alike went up in flames. I don’t know if Churchill didn’t understand or didn’t care that neither civilians nor soldiers would sway Hitler’s war machine. If the war couldn’t be won, Hitler was prepared to sacrifice everyone. So he did.
"On April 16, Solingen capitulated to the Americans without a fight. We heard about it from a neighbor who came running up the street and knocked on our door.
"Mutti just sat down and held her head in her hands. “It’s over,” she mumbled.
"I went to her side, joining Burkhart, and she hugged us both. It was one of the few hugs I remember.
"With the war ending, men trickled into town. Wearing assorted clothing to sever any connection to their activities as German soldiers, they stared at the ruins in wonder. Their faces dirty and haggard, they appeared on doorsteps and in living rooms. Some had an arm or a leg missing. Some had all their limbs, but looked sickly and washed out. Some had come and found their houses gone and their families evaporated within.
"Screams of surprise and delight echoed in some homes while others remained quiet as women and children waited and watched their neighbors welcome husbands, fathers and brothers. Some men had walked for hundreds of miles; others had been released from POW camps in neighboring cities. Unable to provide food and healthy living conditions, the British and American military were releasing their prisoners by the thousands."
That last sentence might have been excused from an ignorant older Nazi, but it's not so from the author half a century and more past the era, and nor from the bombed Germans of the day.
After all, even if they were unaware of the atrocities perpetrated by their regime and the holocaust that was to shock all civilised world, they were quite aware that it was war, and their armies had bombed various cities for merely breaking the nations into submission. Thousands of civilians had been massacred by German forces, even apart from the millions massacred in eastern nations and other millions in the various ghettos and concentration camps.
The least every German could and should realise, and acknowledge, is that all those thousands of soldiers could simply have been shot or starved to death by allies, and since this was after having discovered what atrocities Germans had perpetrated, it could have been excusable. That they let those not considered guilty of war crimes go scot-free was an act of civilised conduct, if not of outright magnanimity.
As for inability to provide food, allied forces were caring for those that had survived the concentration camps, apart from civilians in various lands looted by Germany. That caring included food and medical care. A few thousand German civilians or prisoners of war that needed to be kept imprisoned wouldn't have been more than a fraction of the burden, if it were considered needful or worth.
But the hatred by the author comes through with such tiny pricks strewn over in the narrative, generally.
This point is where the story of Günter and Helmut wandering in forests for 47 days, published under the title 47 Days, is recounted, the time period being March to May 1945. The boys were told to go join the war even as everybody at top knew, all soldiers knew, that not only Germany had lost but it was a matter of days before Berlin fell. But their leader had ordered scorched earth policy, ordering all industry and mines and everything else destroyed, and all men over 14 (and presumably all those under 100) fight without surrender to the end. It was only others who managed to countermand these orders and save Germany as much as possible, but nobody had power to oppose S.S. and counter and the orders to send the teens to fight. As the author says, those that went never came back.
................................................................................................
Here is an example of the blind hatred leading to lack of gratitude, by the author and the sources, and by most Germans:
"Lilly: May-June 1945
"The ‘morale’ bombing continued until May 3rd, the British Royal Air Force and US Air Force dropping millions of explosives on German cities. Dresden, Hamburg, Berlin, Potsdam, large cities and small towns alike went up in flames. I don’t know if Churchill didn’t understand or didn’t care that neither civilians nor soldiers would sway Hitler’s war machine. If the war couldn’t be won, Hitler was prepared to sacrifice everyone. So he did.
"On April 16, Solingen capitulated to the Americans without a fight. We heard about it from a neighbor who came running up the street and knocked on our door.
"Mutti just sat down and held her head in her hands. “It’s over,” she mumbled.
"I went to her side, joining Burkhart, and she hugged us both. It was one of the few hugs I remember.
"With the war ending, men trickled into town. Wearing assorted clothing to sever any connection to their activities as German soldiers, they stared at the ruins in wonder. Their faces dirty and haggard, they appeared on doorsteps and in living rooms. Some had an arm or a leg missing. Some had all their limbs, but looked sickly and washed out. Some had come and found their houses gone and their families evaporated within.
"Screams of surprise and delight echoed in some homes while others remained quiet as women and children waited and watched their neighbors welcome husbands, fathers and brothers. Some men had walked for hundreds of miles; others had been released from POW camps in neighboring cities. Unable to provide food and healthy living conditions, the British and American military were releasing their prisoners by the thousands."
That last sentence might have been excused from an ignorant older Nazi, but it's not so from the author half a century and more past the era, and nor from the bombed Germans of the day.
After all, even if they were unaware of the atrocities perpetrated by their regime and the holocaust that was to shock all civilised world, they were quite aware that it was war, and their armies had bombed various cities for merely breaking the nations into submission. Thousands of civilians had been massacred by German forces, even apart from the millions massacred in eastern nations and other millions in the various ghettos and concentration camps.
The least every German could and should realise, and acknowledge, is that all those thousands of soldiers could simply have been shot or starved to death by allies, and since this was after having discovered what atrocities Germans had perpetrated, it could have been excusable. That they let those not considered guilty of war crimes go scot-free was an act of civilised conduct, if not of outright magnanimity.
As for inability to provide food, allied forces were caring for those that had survived the concentration camps, apart from civilians in various lands looted by Germany. That caring included food and medical care. A few thousand German civilians or prisoners of war that needed to be kept imprisoned wouldn't have been more than a fraction of the burden, if it were considered needful or worth.
But the hatred by the author comes through with such tiny pricks strewn over in the narrative, generally.
................................................................................................
"I thought about Erwin and wondered if he’d made it home.
"It gave me comfort to picture him enter his house in his new suit, a smile on his lips as he embraced Magda and his wife. Because there was no word from Vati. And that silence agitated me more than the rumors of roaming gangs, mass shootings and hastily dug graves. Like a poisonous cloud, it affected my breathing, clawing my chest with iron gauntlets.
"As news of war atrocities spread, the SS killing civilians, death marches, and then the nightmarish discoveries of Jews, either dead or barely alive behind the barbed wire of concentration camps, I was shocked by the magnitude of the killings. But I also was numb. At this point, surviving was a fulltime job. The entire country had turned into a graveyard of carnage, and I wondered what Vati’s role had been, remembering the day he had left full of enthusiasm about the war."
And there it is, the best they usually do. It was shocking about those killed, but the Germans didn't have time to worry.
Lilly's mother met and brought home an American, Captain Marks, who brought gifts of delicious food, and took Lilly's mother out. The disgusting neighbour, Huss, the Nazi, cornered Lilly's mother, suggesting he'd take Lilly if the mother was unwilling.
"I remembered Huss in the hallway, hovering over her like a leech, and the American standing in our kitchen with his knowing smile. I wanted to get up and shake my mother, ask her what she was doing. My mind swirled as I tried to sort out what to feel.
"With all this confusion, only one thing was clear. I had to protect Burkhart, keep him away from Mutti’s friends and the war’s aftermath. Like me, Burkhart had been left behind. Unlike me, he had no memories of Vati. He only knew Mutti and her parties."
"I thought about Erwin and wondered if he’d made it home.
"It gave me comfort to picture him enter his house in his new suit, a smile on his lips as he embraced Magda and his wife. Because there was no word from Vati. And that silence agitated me more than the rumors of roaming gangs, mass shootings and hastily dug graves. Like a poisonous cloud, it affected my breathing, clawing my chest with iron gauntlets.
"As news of war atrocities spread, the SS killing civilians, death marches, and then the nightmarish discoveries of Jews, either dead or barely alive behind the barbed wire of concentration camps, I was shocked by the magnitude of the killings. But I also was numb. At this point, surviving was a fulltime job. The entire country had turned into a graveyard of carnage, and I wondered what Vati’s role had been, remembering the day he had left full of enthusiasm about the war."
And there it is, the best they usually do. It was shocking about those killed, but the Germans didn't have time to worry.
................................................................................................
Lilly's mother met and brought home an American, Captain Marks, who brought gifts of delicious food, and took Lilly's mother out. The disgusting neighbour, Huss, the Nazi, cornered Lilly's mother, suggesting he'd take Lilly if the mother was unwilling.
"I remembered Huss in the hallway, hovering over her like a leech, and the American standing in our kitchen with his knowing smile. I wanted to get up and shake my mother, ask her what she was doing. My mind swirled as I tried to sort out what to feel.
"With all this confusion, only one thing was clear. I had to protect Burkhart, keep him away from Mutti’s friends and the war’s aftermath. Like me, Burkhart had been left behind. Unlike me, he had no memories of Vati. He only knew Mutti and her parties."
................................................................................................
Lilly's mother took Lilly along to ask his old boss in the city if they could help, and they were told Lilly's father need not have gone to war, had been offered a secure position in city that could give him exemption, but had chosen to go to war despite being needed.
"I felt like a fist hit me. Vati had pretended to be drafted and left us because he wanted to be part of Hitler’s war machine. The pressure in my head caused me to drop my bag and bend over. I remembered Vati’s lie, and my insides twisted anew in the understanding he had betrayed us."
They were told to contact a baroness for knitting work, and went home.
"The magnitude of what Vati had done didn’t sink in immediately. It was as if awakening after a deep slumber and finding the world unrecognizable. The image of my father, I’d kept in my heart, was nothing but an illusion, a circus trick. It made me wonder if there was truth to anything I remembered."
Baum, the neighbour, asked Lilly to come - he'd had a letter from Erwin, the soldier they'd saved, thanking them both. He was back with his family.
"Lilly: May 1946
"The city had offered no more help. If Vati was declared dead, we would be eligible for support from the government. But we had no proof whether Vati was alive or dead. It was too ‘early.’ Many men vanished and then miraculously reappeared from one of the camps or out of hiding. The western allies had dozens of POW camps. Most men in captivity could be traced.
"But camps in Poland and Russia were numerous—Stalin’s preferred way of dealing with undesirables was throwing them into gulags. At one time Russia had more than 40,000 prisons."
They got a letter from German Red cross to say that Lilly's father was a prisoner in east and his exact location wasn't known. Her mother's parties continued. She resented being not allowed to meet anyone, but one night one of the guests, Gerhard, came into Lilly's room and Lilly was rescued by her mother from being raped in the nick of time.
................................................................................................
"You would have thought that a year after the biggest war of all time was over, we’d be better off. The opposite was true."
Why would any German expect things to be not bad, after Germany having wreaked havoc across Europe and massacred millions of civilians, apart from millions of soldiers, and the regime having used every resource of Germany for the purpose, making the nation a humongous war machine that bulldozed Europe? Germany had had nothing but empty, false promises from the regime that had done this, for sake of killing off everyone else so that German population could occupy whole of Europe, reproduce and settle. How would Germany be better off, after losing the war, except on charity that flowed from U.S.?
................................................
February 04, 2020 - February 07, 2020.
ISBN: 978-0-9977800-3-1
................................................
................................................
Lilly's mother took Lilly along to ask his old boss in the city if they could help, and they were told Lilly's father need not have gone to war, had been offered a secure position in city that could give him exemption, but had chosen to go to war despite being needed.
"I felt like a fist hit me. Vati had pretended to be drafted and left us because he wanted to be part of Hitler’s war machine. The pressure in my head caused me to drop my bag and bend over. I remembered Vati’s lie, and my insides twisted anew in the understanding he had betrayed us."
They were told to contact a baroness for knitting work, and went home.
"The magnitude of what Vati had done didn’t sink in immediately. It was as if awakening after a deep slumber and finding the world unrecognizable. The image of my father, I’d kept in my heart, was nothing but an illusion, a circus trick. It made me wonder if there was truth to anything I remembered."
Baum, the neighbour, asked Lilly to come - he'd had a letter from Erwin, the soldier they'd saved, thanking them both. He was back with his family.
................................................................................................
Hans returned, very thin, weak, lost. They bathed him like a baby.
"“Hitler meant to kill us all.” Despite its low tone, Hans’s voice seethed. “They knew and didn’t care. My friends are dead. My classmates…dead. For what?”
"I chewed my lip. What could you say when your own country had betrayed you, sending its fifteen- and sixteen-year olds to be slaughtered, the most evil government of mankind. Looking down at my brother, I felt his sadness and fury like my own."
Another day, Günter returned home to find his father back, strong and unharmed. Günter was relieved to find he was no longer the protector and provider, and could depend on his father. They went together to countryside to trade for food, but were accosted by a gang of expat labourers who'd been slaves in Germany during the war, and their valuables and food was taken by the gang. But the gang hadn't seen the silverware, and Günter's father traded well for food at a farmhouse where the farmer had a lot but was mean.
They stayed in the barn at night, but had a lucky escape when the farmhouse was attacked by a mob who accused the farmer of being a Nazi, and of hoarding things when the country was starving. As Günter and his father escaped, they saw the farmer and his wife hung from a tree, as the mob set fire.
Hans returned, very thin, weak, lost. They bathed him like a baby.
"“Hitler meant to kill us all.” Despite its low tone, Hans’s voice seethed. “They knew and didn’t care. My friends are dead. My classmates…dead. For what?”
"I chewed my lip. What could you say when your own country had betrayed you, sending its fifteen- and sixteen-year olds to be slaughtered, the most evil government of mankind. Looking down at my brother, I felt his sadness and fury like my own."
Another day, Günter returned home to find his father back, strong and unharmed. Günter was relieved to find he was no longer the protector and provider, and could depend on his father. They went together to countryside to trade for food, but were accosted by a gang of expat labourers who'd been slaves in Germany during the war, and their valuables and food was taken by the gang. But the gang hadn't seen the silverware, and Günter's father traded well for food at a farmhouse where the farmer had a lot but was mean.
They stayed in the barn at night, but had a lucky escape when the farmhouse was attacked by a mob who accused the farmer of being a Nazi, and of hoarding things when the country was starving. As Günter and his father escaped, they saw the farmer and his wife hung from a tree, as the mob set fire.
................................................................................................
"Lilly: May 1946
"The city had offered no more help. If Vati was declared dead, we would be eligible for support from the government. But we had no proof whether Vati was alive or dead. It was too ‘early.’ Many men vanished and then miraculously reappeared from one of the camps or out of hiding. The western allies had dozens of POW camps. Most men in captivity could be traced.
"But camps in Poland and Russia were numerous—Stalin’s preferred way of dealing with undesirables was throwing them into gulags. At one time Russia had more than 40,000 prisons."
They got a letter from German Red cross to say that Lilly's father was a prisoner in east and his exact location wasn't known. Her mother's parties continued. She resented being not allowed to meet anyone, but one night one of the guests, Gerhard, came into Lilly's room and Lilly was rescued by her mother from being raped in the nick of time.
................................................................................................
Why would any German expect things to be not bad, after Germany having wreaked havoc across Europe and massacred millions of civilians, apart from millions of soldiers, and the regime having used every resource of Germany for the purpose, making the nation a humongous war machine that bulldozed Europe? Germany had had nothing but empty, false promises from the regime that had done this, for sake of killing off everyone else so that German population could occupy whole of Europe, reproduce and settle. How would Germany be better off, after losing the war, except on charity that flowed from U.S.?
................................................................................................
Lilly was again assaulted on the morning after, this time by the Nazi neighbour, Huss.
"I knew Mutti hated the fact that Huss was looking for ways to get close to me, but I also knew she wouldn’t do anything drastic to protect me. If I wanted things to happen, I had to do them myself."
"Since our visit to Dr. Fenning, Mutti had been more subdued than ever. That is, she was subdued with me, her moods swinging between anger and impatience. I think she was taking out her frustration about Vati’s secret decision to join the war on me. Strangely, at the time I wasn’t that upset about it. Not yet.
"That anger would grow as I grew, with the understanding that he’d chosen Hitler over us. It soon became clear that the Third Reich had had nothing but disdain for its citizens, and that women were considered breeding stock.
"Years later, I found out that even as late as the spring of 1945, Hitler had suggested the war would end soon and because there were four to five million men missing, every remaining German man should ‘marry’ at least two women with whom he should produce lots of children.
"And there was the sickness of the mother cross. Women who had four children were awarded a bronze cross, mothers with six children received a silver cross and women with eight or more kids a gold cross. Hitler had intended for us to supply soldiers for his cause for eternity.
"Nor did he feel remorse for sending the last kids and elderly into battle when it was long clear that the war was lost. Hitler was a certified madman—and my father had chosen him over us?"
................................................Lilly was again assaulted on the morning after, this time by the Nazi neighbour, Huss.
"I knew Mutti hated the fact that Huss was looking for ways to get close to me, but I also knew she wouldn’t do anything drastic to protect me. If I wanted things to happen, I had to do them myself."
"Since our visit to Dr. Fenning, Mutti had been more subdued than ever. That is, she was subdued with me, her moods swinging between anger and impatience. I think she was taking out her frustration about Vati’s secret decision to join the war on me. Strangely, at the time I wasn’t that upset about it. Not yet.
"That anger would grow as I grew, with the understanding that he’d chosen Hitler over us. It soon became clear that the Third Reich had had nothing but disdain for its citizens, and that women were considered breeding stock.
"Years later, I found out that even as late as the spring of 1945, Hitler had suggested the war would end soon and because there were four to five million men missing, every remaining German man should ‘marry’ at least two women with whom he should produce lots of children.
"And there was the sickness of the mother cross. Women who had four children were awarded a bronze cross, mothers with six children received a silver cross and women with eight or more kids a gold cross. Hitler had intended for us to supply soldiers for his cause for eternity.
"Nor did he feel remorse for sending the last kids and elderly into battle when it was long clear that the war was lost. Hitler was a certified madman—and my father had chosen him over us?"
................................................................................................
They got notice about denazification, and Lilly dared - she stole into the cellar where Huss hid his Nazi documents, stole some, and next morning accosted him in the front yard, demanding he leave the family alone or else!
Lilly's mother insisted she work, she couldn't afford school. Lilly worked at housekeeping for a cafe owner family, later working in the cafe as well. She managed to get work at a bookbinding factory with better pay, through Gerda who was going out with Helmut.
They got a letter from Lilly's father the day Lilly bought herself shoes with the new currency, Deutschmark.
Lilly was taken to the fair by Gerda, and Helmut was accompanied by Günter and Hans. Lilly immediately fell in love with Günter.
Lilly's father wrote saying he'd finally had a hearing by a judge, and instead of Beijing freed and sent home, was sentenced to twenty five years of labour; he was working in a gold mine.
Lilly's mother didn't approve of Günter, she wanted Lilly to consider an old neighbour because he was a "'beamter' like Lilly's father". Lilly was determined to not let her mother pull her down into unhappiness.
But Günter had trouble resigning to the life everyone else was falling into, work and marriage and .... so he abruptly left, on a journey of self discovery, biking along the Rhine until he was on a farm near Switzerland and realised more and more he loved Lilly and wanted her for life.
Lilly broke up with him after he'd talked to her when he returned.
A policeman came to inform them that Lilly's father was being released.
"I had trouble breathing, remembering the Jews Hitler put into concentration camps. If they didn’t die, they were near death, just bones with skin and huge eyes that had seen too much.
"Vati was part of that regime. Even if he didn’t do the jailing, he’d believed in Hitler, the madman who declared war with 37 countries, took all our manpower, resources and knowhow, our boys and men, and fed them into the war machine. He’d stolen our youth. I would hate the man and his Reich until eternity.
"And a little bit of this hate was reserved for Vati."
They got notice about denazification, and Lilly dared - she stole into the cellar where Huss hid his Nazi documents, stole some, and next morning accosted him in the front yard, demanding he leave the family alone or else!
Lilly's mother insisted she work, she couldn't afford school. Lilly worked at housekeeping for a cafe owner family, later working in the cafe as well. She managed to get work at a bookbinding factory with better pay, through Gerda who was going out with Helmut.
They got a letter from Lilly's father the day Lilly bought herself shoes with the new currency, Deutschmark.
Lilly was taken to the fair by Gerda, and Helmut was accompanied by Günter and Hans. Lilly immediately fell in love with Günter.
Lilly's father wrote saying he'd finally had a hearing by a judge, and instead of Beijing freed and sent home, was sentenced to twenty five years of labour; he was working in a gold mine.
Lilly's mother didn't approve of Günter, she wanted Lilly to consider an old neighbour because he was a "'beamter' like Lilly's father". Lilly was determined to not let her mother pull her down into unhappiness.
But Günter had trouble resigning to the life everyone else was falling into, work and marriage and .... so he abruptly left, on a journey of self discovery, biking along the Rhine until he was on a farm near Switzerland and realised more and more he loved Lilly and wanted her for life.
Lilly broke up with him after he'd talked to her when he returned.
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A policeman came to inform them that Lilly's father was being released.
"I had trouble breathing, remembering the Jews Hitler put into concentration camps. If they didn’t die, they were near death, just bones with skin and huge eyes that had seen too much.
"Vati was part of that regime. Even if he didn’t do the jailing, he’d believed in Hitler, the madman who declared war with 37 countries, took all our manpower, resources and knowhow, our boys and men, and fed them into the war machine. He’d stolen our youth. I would hate the man and his Reich until eternity.
"And a little bit of this hate was reserved for Vati."
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They were given a car by the city to bring him from Friedland, and there were neighbours and relatives thronging when they brought him back, to welcome him.
"The doorbell rang and Vati jerked, spilling some of the beer on his leg. Herr Baum limped into the room, his feet scraping across the carpet. He looked ancient and leaned on his cane.
"“Good to see you home at last,” he said, shaking Vati’s hand and slumping into a chair. “What a mess,” he said to no one in particular. “Hitler made us all criminals. The world hates us.”
"“It was my duty,” Vati said, taking in the old man.
"I wanted to shake him, this man who I didn’t know anymore. What duty, I wanted to scream? Why didn’t you see through it? Günter did. Even at sixteen, he knew more and refused to become part of the madness. It almost cost him his life.
"Günter.
"The memory of him nearly pulled me over. My heart wrenched and I felt my throat tighten. I realized I longed for him as much now as on the day I broke up with him.
"No. More.
"All this time I hesitated to accept Peter’s offer to move in, get away from Mutti. All this time I thought I hesitated because of Mutti.
"It wasn’t so. It was because I couldn’t forget Günter.
"His hazel eyes swam in my vision, smiling and then turning serious. I’d forever lost my chance to be with the man I love. Because I refused to forgive him.
"I looked at Vati. After all these atrocities and hardships, could I find the strength in me to forgive? Not forget, but get over what he’d done?
"Herr Baum and I exchanged glances. He nodded and gave me that desolate half-smile, reminding me of the story about his daughter.
"You lose everything if you cannot move on. Hitler and his cronies, the greatest evildoers of history, win. You’re one more victim in their murderous plan."
"“That’s what they wanted you—all of us—to believe,” Herr Baum said after a while. “Look what it did to you. Thirteen years wasted.” His raspy voice was grave.
"Vati shook his head. The beer in his hand looked like pee now, the foam evaporated and the carbonation flat. “At the time, it seemed like the honorable thing to do.”
"At that moment, I realized Vati wasn’t lying about that. He actually believed he did the right thing. He only lied to us, the people who should’ve mattered most.
"Herr Baum continued. “It was insanity. Millions killed, Jews exterminated, the destruction of everything we ever knew, our heritage, our culture, and our reputation. All gone.”
"“Oh, Herr Baum, why don’t we talk about something positive,” the woman from across the street said.
"“That’s right, nobody wants to talk about what really happened.” Herr Baum’s eyes squeezed nearly shut behind the folds of loose skin. “Let’s bury the past and pretend it never took place.” His voice cut through the buzz, the room turning silent. Outside the open window, a black bird squawked as if to add its disdain.
"Vati swallowed several times as if he were choking. His lips moved and I bent lower. “I did what I was told,” he mumbled. I looked at him, wondering about the virtues of obedience. The Third Reich was good at creating organized groups from Hitler Youth to the Association of German Girls, moving on to mothers with crosses, soldiers, SS, SA and Gestapo. Each group had hierarchies, people who told other people what to do. At what point did we have a moral duty to ignore obedience and laws and think for ourselves?"
Lilly ran to Günter's house, and said she'd made a mistake. They married in 1954, without approval of her parents.
"Mutti was subdued. I didn’t know if she felt truly guilty or if she just didn’t have anything to say. Her new occupation was shopping. She invested in hats and gloves and all manners of elegant dresses and matching shoes as if they could somehow conceal her shameful past.
"And yet there was part of me that acknowledged Mutti’s excesses were not that unusual. War wives not only had affairs, many divorced their husbands and remarried. What I couldn’t get over weren’t her lies or her men, but her refusal to love me when I’d most needed her."
"He’d chosen obedience to a twisted ideal over his responsibility for his family. That sort of blind obedience had made it possible for Hitler to gain power because this blindness stopped Vati from seeing the truth that there was a choice. Though Vati had been a soldier in two wars and survived eight years of gulags, I didn’t consider him brave.
"But what was worst to me was how he and Mutti considered me less worthy than my brother even now because I was a girl and because Hitler had special plans for girls. And to think there had been a time when I thought I’d done something to deserve all this. A puff of air escaped me. What buffoons.
"I wanted to laugh, but it felt dangerously close to crying. Considering what had happened, I was lucky. What did they do to young Jewish women? Had them strip naked, pierced them with needles, performed experiments, took out their ovaries…My eyes filled with tears, and for a while I was blind to my surroundings."
"I knew Günter would take care of me just as I’d take care of him. He was industrious when many gave up, organized and created things seemingly from thin air. He’d seen through the Nazis and he stuck around to help his family. He may not be a Beamter, a senior official, but to me he was by far the smarter man."
They were given a car by the city to bring him from Friedland, and there were neighbours and relatives thronging when they brought him back, to welcome him.
"The doorbell rang and Vati jerked, spilling some of the beer on his leg. Herr Baum limped into the room, his feet scraping across the carpet. He looked ancient and leaned on his cane.
"“Good to see you home at last,” he said, shaking Vati’s hand and slumping into a chair. “What a mess,” he said to no one in particular. “Hitler made us all criminals. The world hates us.”
"“It was my duty,” Vati said, taking in the old man.
"I wanted to shake him, this man who I didn’t know anymore. What duty, I wanted to scream? Why didn’t you see through it? Günter did. Even at sixteen, he knew more and refused to become part of the madness. It almost cost him his life.
"Günter.
"The memory of him nearly pulled me over. My heart wrenched and I felt my throat tighten. I realized I longed for him as much now as on the day I broke up with him.
"No. More.
"All this time I hesitated to accept Peter’s offer to move in, get away from Mutti. All this time I thought I hesitated because of Mutti.
"It wasn’t so. It was because I couldn’t forget Günter.
"His hazel eyes swam in my vision, smiling and then turning serious. I’d forever lost my chance to be with the man I love. Because I refused to forgive him.
"I looked at Vati. After all these atrocities and hardships, could I find the strength in me to forgive? Not forget, but get over what he’d done?
"Herr Baum and I exchanged glances. He nodded and gave me that desolate half-smile, reminding me of the story about his daughter.
"You lose everything if you cannot move on. Hitler and his cronies, the greatest evildoers of history, win. You’re one more victim in their murderous plan."
"“That’s what they wanted you—all of us—to believe,” Herr Baum said after a while. “Look what it did to you. Thirteen years wasted.” His raspy voice was grave.
"Vati shook his head. The beer in his hand looked like pee now, the foam evaporated and the carbonation flat. “At the time, it seemed like the honorable thing to do.”
"At that moment, I realized Vati wasn’t lying about that. He actually believed he did the right thing. He only lied to us, the people who should’ve mattered most.
"Herr Baum continued. “It was insanity. Millions killed, Jews exterminated, the destruction of everything we ever knew, our heritage, our culture, and our reputation. All gone.”
"“Oh, Herr Baum, why don’t we talk about something positive,” the woman from across the street said.
"“That’s right, nobody wants to talk about what really happened.” Herr Baum’s eyes squeezed nearly shut behind the folds of loose skin. “Let’s bury the past and pretend it never took place.” His voice cut through the buzz, the room turning silent. Outside the open window, a black bird squawked as if to add its disdain.
"Vati swallowed several times as if he were choking. His lips moved and I bent lower. “I did what I was told,” he mumbled. I looked at him, wondering about the virtues of obedience. The Third Reich was good at creating organized groups from Hitler Youth to the Association of German Girls, moving on to mothers with crosses, soldiers, SS, SA and Gestapo. Each group had hierarchies, people who told other people what to do. At what point did we have a moral duty to ignore obedience and laws and think for ourselves?"
................................................................................................
Lilly ran to Günter's house, and said she'd made a mistake. They married in 1954, without approval of her parents.
"Mutti was subdued. I didn’t know if she felt truly guilty or if she just didn’t have anything to say. Her new occupation was shopping. She invested in hats and gloves and all manners of elegant dresses and matching shoes as if they could somehow conceal her shameful past.
"And yet there was part of me that acknowledged Mutti’s excesses were not that unusual. War wives not only had affairs, many divorced their husbands and remarried. What I couldn’t get over weren’t her lies or her men, but her refusal to love me when I’d most needed her."
"He’d chosen obedience to a twisted ideal over his responsibility for his family. That sort of blind obedience had made it possible for Hitler to gain power because this blindness stopped Vati from seeing the truth that there was a choice. Though Vati had been a soldier in two wars and survived eight years of gulags, I didn’t consider him brave.
"But what was worst to me was how he and Mutti considered me less worthy than my brother even now because I was a girl and because Hitler had special plans for girls. And to think there had been a time when I thought I’d done something to deserve all this. A puff of air escaped me. What buffoons.
"I wanted to laugh, but it felt dangerously close to crying. Considering what had happened, I was lucky. What did they do to young Jewish women? Had them strip naked, pierced them with needles, performed experiments, took out their ovaries…My eyes filled with tears, and for a while I was blind to my surroundings."
"I knew Günter would take care of me just as I’d take care of him. He was industrious when many gave up, organized and created things seemingly from thin air. He’d seen through the Nazis and he stuck around to help his family. He may not be a Beamter, a senior official, but to me he was by far the smarter man."
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February 04, 2020 - February 07, 2020.
ISBN: 978-0-9977800-3-1
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