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Abracadabra and Other Satires, by John Galsworthy.
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Touching pieces, especially the last one.
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CONTENTS
THE LITTLE MAN
HALL-MARKED
THE VOICE OF — !
THE DEAD MAN
WHY NOT?
HEY-DAY
STUDIES OF EXTRAVAGANCE
I. THE WRITER
II. THE CRITIC
III. THE PLAIN MAN
IV. THE SUPERLATIVE
V. THE PRECEPTOR
VI. THE ARTIST
VII. THE HOUSEWIFE
VIII. THE LATEST THING
IX. THE PERFECT ONE
X. THE COMPETITOR
ABRACADABRA
HATHOR: A MEMORY
SEKHET: A DREAM
A SIMPLE TALE
ULTIMA THULE
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THE LITTLE MAN
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The Little Man, by John Galsworthy.
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Galsworthy attempts a delightful comedy in this spoof with typecast rather than caricatures of nationalities in a few characters brought together on a journey and dealing with circumstances.
The most delightful of the lot are the Dutch and English.
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June 13, 2021 - June 14, 2021.
Purchased June 08, 2021.
Kindle Edition, 32 pages
Published May 17th 2012
(first published
June 15th 1997) ???
(1915, or earlier)
ASIN:- B0084B2YCY
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HALL-MARKED
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Hall Marked, by John Galsworthy.
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She has saved their dogs from the fight they might have carried on to grievous end, is attractive and well situated and competent; but, uncertain if she's married, they leave her home with barely a thank you, without being civil to the new neighbour - all because she forgot her wedding ring in the bathroom when she cleaned herself after tending to their wounded dog!
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June 14, 2021 - June 14, 2021.
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THE VOICE OF — !
About a stage performance surpassing the previous circus, cut off by a voice seemingly from gallery.
June 28, 2021 - June 28, 2021.
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THE DEAD MAN
"“Your Worship, I’m very badly in want of food; will you allow me to beg in the streets?”
"“No, no; I can’t. You know I can’t.”
"“Well, your Worship, may I steal?”
"“Now, now; you mustn’t waste the time of the court.”
"“But, your Worship, it’s very serious to me; I’m literally starving, I am indeed! Will you allow me to sell my coat or trousers—” Unbuttoning his coat, the applicant revealed a bare chest. “I’ve nothing else to—”
"“You mustn’t go about in an indecent state; I can’t allow you to go outside the law.”
"“Well, sir, will you give me permission, anyway, to sleep out at night, without being taken up for vagrancy?”
"“Once for all, I have no power to allow you to do any of these things.”"
"“Well, then, I ask you, sir: In the eyes of the law, am I alive at all?”
"“That is a question, my man, which I cannot answer. On the face of it, you appear to be alive only if you break the law; but I trust you will not do that. I am very sorry for you; you can have a shilling from the box. Next case!”’"
June 28, 2021 - June 28, 2021.
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WHY NOT?
" ... I had only to get at the percentage of divorce to marriage. Well, being a bit of an actuary, I was very soon able to calculate my proper scale of premiums. These are payable, you know, on*the same principle as life-insurance, and work out very small on the whole. ... "
"“I was very anxious to have got out a policy which took in also the risk of breach of promise; but at present I haven’t been able to fix that up. Up till marriage, of course, the whole thing is in flux, and there’s too much danger of collusion. ... "
June 28, 2021 - June 28, 2021.
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HEY-DAY
A discussion about civilisation.
June 28, 2021 - June 28, 2021.
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STUDIES OF EXTRAVAGANCE
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I. THE WRITER
Satirical piece about a writer.
June 28, 2021 - June 28, 2021.
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II. THE CRITIC
"He often thought: “This is a dog’s life! I must give it up, and strike out for myself. If I can’t write better than most of these fellows, it’ll be very queer.” But he had not yet done so. He had in his extreme youth published fiction, but it had never been the best work of which he was capable — it was not likely that it could be, seeing that even then he was constantly diverted from the ham-bone of his inspiration by the duty of perusing and passing judgment on the work of other men.
"If pressed to say exactly why he did not strike out for himself, he found it difficult to answer, and what he answered was hardly as true as he could have wished; for, though truthful, he was not devoid of the instinct of self-preservation. He could hardly, for example, admit that he preferred to think what much better books he could have written if only he had not been handicapped, to actually striking out and writing them."
June 28, 2021 - June 28, 2021.
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III. THE PLAIN MAN
"When the plain man was shocked it was time to suppress the entertainment, whether play, dance, or novel. ... All this ‘flim-flam’ about art, and all that, is beside the point. The question simply is: Would you take your wife and daughters? If not, there’s an end of it, and it ought to be suppressed.” ... "
"He often spoke of science, medical or not, and it was his plain opinion that these fellows all had an axe to grind; for HIS part he only believed in them just in so far as they benefited a plain man. The latest sanitary system, the best forms of locomotion and communication, the newest antiseptics, and time-saving machines — of all these, of course, he made full use; but as to the researches, speculations, and theories of scientists — to speak plainly, they were, he thought, “pretty good rot.”"
"On the woman’s question generally he had long made his position plain. He would move when the majority moved, and not before. And he expected all plain men (and women — if there were any, which he sometimes doubted) to act in the same way. ... He often said to his wife: “One thing’s plain to me; we shall never have the suffrage till the country wants it.” But he rarely discussed the question with other women, having observed that many of them could not keep their tempers when he gave them his plain view of the matter."
June 29, 2021 - June 29, 2021.
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IV. THE SUPERLATIVE
" ... Indeed, there was no one whom he held in greater contempt than a man who had arrived. It was to him the high-water mark of imbecility, commercialism, and complacency. For what did it mean save that this individual had pleased a sufficient number of other imbeciles, hucksterers, and fatheads, to have secured for himself a reputation? ... "
" ... Save this Nietzsche he admitted perhaps no philosopher into his own class, and was most down on Aristotle, and that one who had founded the religion of his country."
"He was a connoisseur of music, and nothing gave him greater pain than a tune. Of all the ancients he recognised Bach alone, and only in his fugues. Wagner was considerable in places. Strauss and Debussy, well — yes, but now VIEUX JEU. There was an Esquimaux. His name? No, let them wait! That fellow was something. Let them mark his words, and wait!"
June 29, 2021 - June 29, 2021.
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V. THE PRECEPTOR
" ... And as for truth — the question of that did not arise, if one believed. What one believed, what one was told to believe, was the truth; and it was no good telling him that the whole range of a man’s feeling and reasoning powers must be exercised to ascertain truth, and that, when ascertained, it would only be relative truth, and the best available to that particular man. ... "
"He was one of those who seldom felt the need for personal experience of a phase of life, or line of conduct, before giving judgment on it; indeed, he gravely distrusted personal experience. He had opposed, for instance, all relief for the unhappily married long before he left the single state; and, when he did leave it, would not admit for a moment that his own happiness was at all responsible for the petrifaction of his view that no relief was necessary. Hard cases made bad law! But he did not require to base his opinion upon that. He said simply that he had been told there was to be no relief — it was enough."
June 29, 2021 - June 29, 2021.
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VI. THE ARTIST
" ... They were brave, much braver than he was conscious of being; clean-thinking, oh, far more clean-thinking than a man like himself, necessarily given to visions of all kinds; they were straightforward, almost ridiculously so, as it seemed to one who saw the inside-out of everything almost before he saw the outside-out; they were simple, as touchingly simple as those little children, to whom Scriptures and post-impressionism had combined to award the crown of wisdom; they were kind and self-denying in a way that often made him feel quite desperately his own selfishness — ... "
" ... he always permitted himself just one eccentricity, changing it every year, his mind being subtle — not like those of certain politicians or millionaires, content to wear orchids or drive zebras all their lives. ... "
June 29, 2021 - June 29, 2021.
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VII. THE HOUSEWIFE
" ... After this little incident she took the trouble to go and open her New Testament and look up the story of a certain woman. There was not a word in it about women not throwing stones; the discouragement referred entirely to men. Exactly! No one knew better than she the difference between men and women in the matter of moral conduct. Probably there WERE no men without that kind of sin, but there were plenty of women, and, without either false or true pride, she felt that she was one of them. And there the matter rested."
"In disposition sociable, and no niggard of her company, there was one thing she liked to work at alone — her shopping, an art which she had long reduced to a science. The principles she laid down are worth remembering: Never grudge your time to save a ha’penny. Never buy anything until you have turned it well over, recollecting that the rest of you will have turned it over too. Never let your feelings of pity interfere with your sense of justice, but bear in mind that the girls who sell to you are paid for doing it; if you can afford the time to keep them on their legs, they can afford the time to let you. Never read pamphlets, for you don’t know what may be in them about furs, feathers, and forms of food. Never buy more than your husband can afford to pay for; but, on the whole, buy as much. Never let any seller see that you think you have bought a bargain, but buy one if you can; you will find it pleasant afterward to talk of your prowess. Shove, shove, and shove again!"
"It was often said that she was a vanishing type, but she knew better. Pedantic fools murmured that Ibsen had destroyed her, but she had not yet heard of him. Literary folk and artists, socialists and society people, might talk of types, and liberty, of brotherhood, and new ideas, and sneer at Mrs. Grundy. With what unmoved solidity she dwelt among them! They were but as gadflies, buzzing and darting on the fringes of her central bulk. To those flights, to that stinging she paid less attention than if she had been cased in leather. In the words of her favourite Tennyson: “They may come, and they may go, but — whatever you may think — I go on forever!”"
June 29, 2021 - June 29, 2021.
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VIII. THE LATEST THING
One expects a satire about a fashionista, but is surprised to find instead a barely veiled vitriolic diatribe - by Galsworthy, of all people - against a woman, so poisonous the darts that it seems personal. Here are some less vicious quotes.
" ... One had merely to be oneself, a full nature, giving and taking generously. Greed was a low and contemptible attribute, especially in woman; a woman wanted nothing more than — everything, and the best of that. And it was intolerable if one could not have that little. ..."
"To such an idealist, the very colours of the rainbow did not suffice, nor all the breeds of birds there were; her life was piled high with cages. Here she had had them one by one, borrowed their songs, relieved them of their plumes; then, finding that they no longer had any, let them go; for to look at things without possessing them was intolerable, but to keep them when she had got them even more so.
"She often wondered how people could get along at all whose natures were not so full as hers. Life, she thought, must be so dull for the poor creatures, only doing one thing at a time, and that time so long. What with her painting, and her music, her dancing, her flying, her motoring, her writing of novels and poems, her love-making, maternal cares, entertaining, friendships, housekeeping, wifely duties, political and social interests, her gardening, talking, acting, her interest in Russian linen and the woman’s movement; what with travelling in new countries, listening to new preachers, lunching new novelists, discovering new dancers, taking lessons in Spanish; what with new dishes for dinner, new religions, new dogs, new dresses, new duties to new neighbours, and newer charities — life was so full that the moment it stood still and was simply old “life,” it seemed to be no life at all."
" ... She had flung open all the doors of life, and was so continually going out and coming in, that life had some considerable difficulty in catching a glimpse of her at all. Just as the cinematograph was the future of the theatre, so was she the future of women, and in the words of the poet “prou’ title.” To sip at every flower before her wings closed; if necessary, to make new flowers to sip at. To smoke the whole box of cigarettes straight off, and in the last puff of smoke expire! And withal, no feverishness, only a certain reposeful and womanly febrility; a mere perpetual glancing from quick-sliding eyes, to see the next move, to catch the new movement — God bless it! ... "
" ... She had been born to dance the moon down, to ragtime. The moon, the moon! Ah, yes! It was the one thing that had as yet eluded her avidity. That, and her own soul."
One suspects, for the first time, that not only Irene Forsyte, but Fleur Forsyte, too, was modelled on someone the author knew; only, not as a daughter or perhaps even a beloved daughter figure. But then, Jolyon Forsyte had a far more complex relationship with Fleur Forsyte than merely an uncle and niece one.
June 29, 2021 - June 29, 2021.
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IX. THE PERFECT ONE
"And what was he? Well — perfect! Perfect for that high, that supreme purpose — the enjoyment of life as it was. And, aware of his perfection — oh, well aware! — with a certain blind astuteness that refused reflection on the subject — not caring what anybody said or thought, just enjoying himself, taking all that came his way, and making no bones about it; unconscious, indeed, that there were any to be made. He must have known by instinct that thought, feeling, sympathy only made a man chickeny, for he avoided them in an almost sacred way. To be “hard” was his ambition, and he moved through life hitting things, especially balls — whether they reposed on little inverted tubs of sand, or moved swiftly toward him, he almost always hit them, and told people how he did it afterward. He hit things, too, at a distance, through a tube, with a certain noise, and a pleasant swelling sensation under his fifth rib every time he saw them tumble, feeling that they had swollen still more under their fifth ribs and would not require to be hit again. ... He hit any one who disagreed with him, and was very angry if they hit him back. He hit the money-market with his judgment when he could, and when he couldn’t, he hit it with his tongue. ... He hit women, not, of course, with his fists, but with his philosophy. Women were made for the perfection of men; they had produced, nourished, and nursed him, and he now felt the necessity for them to comfort and satisfy him. When they had done that he felt no further responsibility in regard to them; to feel further responsibility was to be effeminate. The idea, for instance, that a spiritual feeling must underlie the physical was extravagant; and when a woman took another view, he took — if not actually, then metaphorically — a stick. He was almost Teutonic in that way. ... "
"Sometimes he dreamed of the time when he would have to ride for God and the king. But he strongly repelled, of course, any suggestion that he had been brought up to a belief in “caste.” At his school he had once kicked a small scion of the royal family; this heroic action had dispersed in his mind once for all any notion that he was a snob. “Caste,” indeed! There was no such thing in England nowadays. Had he not sung “The Leather Bottel” to an audience of dirty people in his school mission-hall, and — rather enjoyed it. It was not his fault that Labor was not satisfied. It was all those professional agitators, confound them! He himself was opposed to setting class against class. It was, however, ridiculous to imagine that he was going to hobnob with or take interest in people who weren’t clean, who wore clothes with a disagreeable smell — people, moreover, who, in the most blatant way, showed him continually that they wanted what he had got. No, no! there were limits. ... "
June 29, 2021 - June 29, 2021.
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X. THE COMPETITOR
" ... He never knew what he was learning, but he knew that he beat other boys. ... "
June 29, 2021 - June 29, 2021.
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ABRACADABRA
"Though quite normal about sticking pins into a body, making the lives of calves and dogs burdensome, giving fizzy magnesia to cats, fetching stray souls down with a booby-trap, and other salutary pastimes, she would dissolve into tears and rush away if anybody played Chopin, or caught and killed a butterfly; and, if one merely shot a little bird with a catapult, would dash up and thump him. When she fought she was like a tiger-cat, but afterward would sit and shake uncontrollably with most dreadful dry sobs. So there was no relying on her."
"I recollect the Quaker coming in one day, full of health and happiness, and putting his affectionate hand on her shoulder. To me — not to the Quaker, from whom many things were hidden — it was apparent that she flinched, and when his back was turned I saw in a mirror that she was actually trembling all over, and on her face an expression as if she saw before her suffering from which she could not possibly escape. It was clear that the quivering, lilylike creature had been brought almost to her last gasp by the physique and principles of that healthy, happy Quaker. It was quite painful to see one for whom life seemed so terribly too much."
June 29, 2021 - June 30, 2021.
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HATHOR: A MEMORY
Galsworthy describes a figure from ancient Egypt.
"Far from earthly lust; divine cow with the crescent horns — Hathor of the old Egyptians!..."
And goes on to give a vivid account of present state of Egypt where males watch belly dancers for an evening's entertainment before going to town for night.
June 30, 2021 - June 30, 2021.
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SEKHET: A DREAM
"Sekhet! She who devours the evil souls in the underworld! She with the dark head of a lioness and the dark body of a naked woman; one leg striding, hands clenched to her sides, and eyes, not woman’s and not lion’s, staring into the darkness, looking for her next meal! There she stands by day, by night, ever in the blackness, watching! No wonder the simple folk think she eats their children!"
Galsworthy attempts to make sense of ancient Egypt Gods and Goddesses with a dream.
June 30, 2021 - June 30, 2021.
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A SIMPLE TALE
" ... ‘I shall never find one who will let me rest in his doorway. ... "
June 30, 2021 - June 30, 2021.
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ULTIMA THULE
"“I don’t like boys,” he said, without preliminary of any sort. “What do you think they were doing to this poor old cat? Dragging it along by a string to drown it; see where it’s cut into the fur! I think boys despise the old and weak!” He held it out to me. At the ends of those little sticks of arms the beast looked more dead than alive; I had never seen a more miserable creature."
June 30, 2021 - June 30, 2021.
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June 13, 2021 - June 30, 2021.
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