......................................................................................
......................................................................................
......................................................................................
Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green
............................................................................................................................................................................
Reginald Blake, Financier and Cad
...........................................
The story is far too similar to another one, but the end here is quite different, and the twist unexpected.
................................................................................................
An item of Fashionable Intelligence
...........................................
Here the author tells about a Countess who manages the earl and his earldom, but wasn't born to the caste - was the youngest of a linen-draper's brood of seven sons and eight daughters, and serving at a bakery as a waitress when she was first seen by the future husband. He gave a false name and identity in courting her, fearing his family's displeasure, so she fell in love and got engaged without any inkling about his status. But she had the old Countess to deal with, and how she managed, is the story.
................................................................................................
Blasé Billy
...........................................
This one, perhaps this author's finest, reminds one in the beginning of the famous story about Calvin Coolidge who responded, when a woman guest at dinner said she'd taken a bet she'd make him say more than two words, "you lose"! Here, the protagonist is all out to vex Billy at the club out of his cool reticence.
"I opined that conversation was not to his wish, but this only made me more determined to talk, and to talk to him above all others in London. The desire took hold of me to irritate him—to break down the imperturbable calm within which he moved and had his being; and I gathered myself together, and settled down to the task.
"“Interesting paper the Times,” I observed.
"“Very,” he replied, taking it from the floor and handing it to me. “Won’t you read it?”"
Billy, however, isn't to be manipulated.
"An ancient nurse of mine had always described me as the most “wearing” child she had ever come across. I prefer to speak of myself as persevering."
"“Tried Central Africa?” I inquired.
"“Once or twice,” he answered. “It always reminds me of Kew Gardens.”
"“China?” I hazarded.
"“Cross between a willow-pattern plate and a New York slum,” was his comment.
"“The North Pole?” I tried, thinking the third time might be lucky.
"“Never got quite up to it,” he returned. “Reached Cape Hakluyt once.”
"“How did that impress you?” I asked.
"“It didn’t impress me,” he replied."
And Billy is the delight of the story, to begin with. The twist is him falling in love, and being no longer quite so blasé. And, as this author does more than once, there are a couple of more twists. The story begins with great comic effect, but the twists bring it over love and cliff of tragedy where it simply takes flight.
................................................................................................
The Choice of Cyril Harjohn
...........................................
About a man who loves a woman saintly without being cold, but is pulled by desire for another who'd marry him only for money he'd have to make for her; he travels half the world away to escape the latter, but it's of no avail.
................................................................................................
The Materialisation of Charles and Mivanway
......................................................................................
The couple married young, quarrelled and was emotional without cool heads prevailing, separated, and his ship was reported sunk, his being alive not known. Their assuming one another dead, meeting one another in the same romantic spot and taking each other for ghosts, all very romantic. Then the classic added double twist - and he keeps the best one for last.
................................................................................................
Portrait of a Lady
...........................................
An author, in need of quiet for working, travels to Yorkshire wolds and takes up a room in a cottage of a mother and daughter, and discovers history of an earlier occupant of the room. There is a diary written by a beautiful young woman whose portrait he sees, and it looks familiar. The artist had made her renounce him so he could marry another, and the diary ends abruptly, but through the letters of the artist the author discovers his name and realises he knows the man, his wife, his home - he's miserable, having married into society. And then, the authors twist, about the figure he'd seen in the window.
................................................................................................
The Man Who Would Manage
...........................................
"No human being worked harder for the enjoyment of others, or produced more universal wretchedness."
"He never spared himself. It was always he who would volunteer to escort the old ladies to the station, and who would never leave them until he had seen them safely into the wrong train. He it was who would play “wild beasts” with the children, and frighten them into fits that would last all night.
"So far as intention went, he was the kindest man alive. He never visited poor sick persons without taking with him in his pocket some little delicacy calculated to disagree with them and make them worse. He arranged yachting excursions for bad sailors, entirely at his own expense, and seemed to regard their subsequent agonies as ingratitude."
Hilarious in the true form of this author.
................................................................................................
The Man Who Lived For Others
...........................................
Again, hilarious in the true form of this author - this one is about an English man who goes to a great deal of trouble to do exactly what others expect, just so they won't be disappointed. A subtle sarcasm about most people, at that.
................................................................................................
A Man of Habit
...........................................
It begins as a conversation on a passage, between the author and a man who forced himself to get used to cheaper cigars, cheaper claret, and so on, because expensive things are ruinous, and abstinence is unsociable. Then a third one tells a story, about a man of fixed habit so much they tell time by him - until he's required to relocate from Jefferson, U.S., to London and still does everything exactly on time, but not London time! He's unable to adjust to the six hour jet lag. So when he accidentally realised it, he changed his office hours and other routine timings to fit the Jefferson clock, instead.
"At ten he mounted his horse and went for a canter in the Row, and on very dark nights he carried a lantern. News of it got abroad, and crowds would assemble to see him ride past."
................................................................................................
The Absent-minded Man
...........................................
It begins with description of a guy who, when invited Thursday for dinner, turns up Friday, half an hour before he has to board the express to Edinburgh; or invitesthree families to lunch on his boat, forgets all about it, and gives the boy a day off, with little food stocked on board.
"“Come with me if you want something to do,” said McQuae. “I’m going to drive Leena down to Richmond.” (“Leena” was the young lady he recollected being engaged to. It transpired afterwards that he was engaged to three girls at the time. The other two he had forgotten all about.)"
"Everybody said he never would get married; that it was absurd to suppose he ever would remember the day, the church, and the girl, all in one morning; that if he did get as far as the altar he would forget what he had come for, and would give the bride away to his own best man. Hallyard had an idea that he was already married, but that the fact had slipped his memory. I myself felt sure that if he did marry he would forget all about it the next day."
And it gets better.
................................................................................................
A Charming Woman
...........................................
Satire about the society women who substitute charm for substance, thought, conviction or anything else, and mansge to convince most they meet of an understanding and sympathetic spirit, none of it with any reality.
................................................................................................
Whibley’s Spirit
...........................................
"It came with a carved cabinet that Whibley had purchased in Wardour Street for old oak, but which, as a matter of fact, was chestnut wood, manufactured in Germany, and at first was harmless enough, saying nothing but “Yes!” or “No!” and that only when spoken to."
"Its idea of an evening’s conversation was to plump down a hundred or so vowels and consonants in front of you and leave you to make whatever sense out of them you could."
"The fame of Whibley’s Spirit became noised abroad, with the result that Whibley was able to command the willing service of more congenial assistants, and Jobstock and myself were dismissed. But we bore no malice.
"Under these more favourable conditions the Spirit plucked up wonderfully, and talked everybody’s head off."
And here on the story takes flight into the realm of humour that npbelongs to Jerome K. Jerome.
................................................................................................
The Man Who Went Wrong
...........................................
About an outside bookie who's honest, generous to those in need, and willing to rough up a burly ruffian because hes hitting a woman and needs to be reminded it's wrong, and more. Then a young woman informs him he's going to hell, takes him to a revivalist meeting where they make him give up drinking and smoking and change his line of work; now he's a pawn broker, and his old parents are without fire on chilly afternoons.
................................................................................................
The Hobby Rider
...........................................
About a genial young man who plays tennis ten hours a day ever day, and when he travels, he rates places by whether he could play tempnnis there - whether it's Tangiers or Zermat or Jungfrau!
"The next year he dropped tennis completely and became an ardent amateur photographer, whereupon all his friends implored him to return to tennis, and sought to interest him in talk about services and returns and volleys, and in anecdotes concerning Renshaw. But he would not heed them."
Most of the side splitting story is about his photography.
"It was in the early days of the photographic craze, and an inexperienced world was rather pleased with the idea of being taken on the cheap. The consequence was that nearly everyone for three miles round sat or stood or leant or laid to Begglely at one time or another, with the result that a less conceited parish than ours it would have been difficult to discover. No one who had once looked upon a photograph of himself taken by Begglely ever again felt any pride in his personal appearance. The picture was invariably a revelation to him."
A trip to Turkey cured him of photography, and he went on to golf, and thence to whist.
................................................................................................
The Man Who Did Not Believe In Luck
.........................................................................
A man who can't catch a break, and has everything seemingly lucky go against him, including a gift of a goose by his boss on Christmas eve - and its hilarious until its suddenly grim.
................................................................................................
Dick Dunkerman’s Cat
...........................................
People waxing eloquent about love or ideals until the cat arrives are suddenly sceptical or sane, simply because the cat is there, looking at one!
And their luck changes for the better, with prosperity, as the hypnotic influence of this cat is paid heed to!
................................................................................................
The Minor Poet’s Story
...........................................
About how society is governed by waves of fashion, whether in couture or thought - and whether ideas really originate with a person, or are simply there, and caught by several minds.
................................................................................................
The Degeneration of Thomas Henry
...........................................
"He was really a most gentlemanly cat. A friend of mine, who believes in the doctrine of the transmigration of souls, was convinced that he was Lord Chesterfield."
"But every one has his price, and Thomas Henry’s price was roast duck. Thomas Henry’s attitude in the presence of roast duck came to me as a psychological revelation. It showed me at once the lower and more animal side of his nature. In the presence of roast duck Thomas Henry became simply and merely a cat, swayed by all the savage instincts of his race. His dignity fell from him as a cloak. He clawed for roast duck, he grovelled for it. I believe he would have sold himself to the devil for roast duck.
"We accordingly avoided that particular dish: it was painful to see a cat’s character so completely demoralised. Besides, his manners, when roast duck was on the table, afforded a bad example to the children."
The story is about the complete change when they took him with them to country.
"Poor Thomas Henry! It shows to one how a reputation for respectability may lie in the mere absence of temptation. Born and bred in the atmosphere of the Reform Club, what gentleman could go wrong? I was sorry for Thomas Henry, and I have never believed in the moral influence of the country since." ................................................................................................
The City of The Sea
...........................................
Saxons massacred Danes invading East Anglia, before rising oceans covered their city on coast. ................................................................................................
Driftwood
...........................................
About men and women, civilisation and knowledge, love and marriage.
................................................................................................
................................................................................................
................................................
................................................
July 25, 2020 - July 27, 2020.
...............................................
................................................
